Chicago, Dude

Today, a young lady sat down across from me while I was having lunch and asked if she could ask my opinion on a matter. I said sure. Then she launched into this story about how she met a guy and everything was perfect in the beginning and how he did everything right and right after she was head over heels he turned into a complete goof. Then she went on to say that this always seems to happen to her. Time and time again, she meets a guy, they hit it off, he’s does all the right things, and then after she’s in love, goof.

I thought about it for a second as I chewed on a french fry. After swallowing a large gulp of Pepsi, I cleared my thought and said, “Stop falling in love with waiters.”

Of course, I spent the next half hour explaining.

First, as claude says, if you experience the same problem everywhere you go, then the problem is you.

I figured this girl had the same behavior flaw that most women have when entering relationships - they tell men what they want. It’s the most asinine thing you could do at the start of a relationship. You tell the guy you like daisies, so he buys you daisies, then you fall for him. You say you like walks in the park, so he walks you through the park, and then you fall for him. You say you like yada yada yada, so he yada yada yadas, then you fall for him.

He’s a waiter.

He’s taking your orders and giving you exactly what you ordered. That’s why he’s so perfect in the beginning. Then you fall and so you stop telling him what you want because you think he knows you. More important, you think he’s into you. But he’s not, he’s a waiter. And left without orders, he can’t deliver. And now, you’re in love and he’s clueless.

So my advice to her was next time, shut up! Kick back and make him work. Let him notice things and try his luck. Let him goof a bit in the beginning when it doesn’t count. Take some time to find out if he’s really into you. This doesn’t mean say nothing or don’t share what you want out of life. But only do so after it’s clear that he’s interested in trying to get you what you want. Telling him you like daisies after he shows up with chrysanthemums is always more rewarding then saying you like daisies after he’s shown up several times with nothing or before he even had a chance to show up with chrysanthemums.

There is always time for telling a dude what you want, but not in the beginning. The beginning is meant for discovery and exploration and mistakes and small accomplishments.

And remember, as claude says, it takes the same amount of time to find out you like someone as it does to find out you don’t.

I never did finish my fries.